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Wednesday, April 30, 2003
A Cautionary Tale
If you take one thing away from your reading pleasure of “The Amy,” please make it this: Do not ever, ever, EVER work out after you’ve just consumed a dinner of chicken tenders and French (freedom) fries. Even if all you’ve done all night is sit on your ass and switch between “Six Feet Under" and “American Idol” (I mean seriously Josh, would you stop doing that to the helpless songs? What did they do to you? I think you’ve ridden this whole “patriot” thing about as far as it will go. Retreat fella, retreat.), do not go work out. Your insides will feel like they have become the nesting ground for snapping turtles cutting their teeth on your stomach lining. You will get angry that it’s not socially acceptable to wear no underwear… or pants. You will start to convince yourself that it’s not just a cramp caused by stupidity and carbohydrates, but that you have somehow managed to rupture your appendix through a seasoned fry.
Also, you will still be in pain at 4:15 the next afternoon. And you will feel like a major idiot. An idiot with a stomachache.
Posted
by The Amy @ 4:23 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (1)
Tuesday, April 29, 2003
Just a little tip
If you’re going to be drunk at a college party, and you’re 47 years old, and you’re a head basketball coach for a rival university, and you want to kiss some pretty princess, seriously, SERIOUSLY, check to make sure no one is taking pictures of it.
People are blindingly stupid sometimes.
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by The Amy @ 10:38 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (1)
Monday, April 28, 2003
I have just learned...
Yogurt and green onion chips taste a lot better than they sound. A LOT.
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by The Amy @ 3:03 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (1)
Friday, April 25, 2003
Confidential to Mom:
"NKOTB" stands for "New Kids on the Block." Do you still think it means something dirty?
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by The Amy @ 9:14 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (5)
Thursday, April 24, 2003
Please don’t go, girl
I was looking through some old emails today between The Boyfriend and me. We were long-distance for a period of time during the beginning stages of our relationship, so email was our primary communicator. (Well, that and phone calls on the company dime- yia!) So, being a TOTAL chick, I’ve saved them all and, also like a TOTAL chick, from time-to-time I like to go through them.
Anyway, I was looking through them today, waxing nostalgic and feeling all romantic and lovey, when I stumbled across this:
“i miss you more than the glory days of NKOTB.”
Seriously, I love this man so much.
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by The Amy @ 12:12 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar
Wednesday, April 23, 2003
Speaking of television…
One of my crack team of alert co-workers brought this very exciting bit of TV news to my attention. A 210 tell-all special!
You people have to understand- my love for “Beverly Hills 90210” is not something that I speak lightly about. From the “Oh no, Kelly has an eating disorder/is hooked on coke/is screwing Dylan, wait, no, it’s Brandon” storylines to Tori Spelling claiming that she wasn’t cast just because she is Aaron Spelling’s daughter, but because she was “right for the part.” The part of HERSELF? No shit, you’re “right” for it, Pretty. Interesting coincidence that she was the only virgin within a 200-mile radius of the Santa Monica freeway- fictional or not.
I don’t entirely know why I love this show so much- I mean, I know it’s terrible. Bad acting, bad storylines and even worse hair, but love it I do. I spent every Wednesday night listening to that electric guitar intro and watching pretty people (except for Tori during the afterbirth years
-Ick) do stupid things, and I loved it. It got me through high school, college and I think I may have cried a little during the last episode.
So don’t call me on May 11th. I’ll be at the Peach Pit. 210 lives on!
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by The Amy @ 9:05 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (3)
Tuesday, April 22, 2003
CELEBRATION!!!
At least if I have to deal with the prospect of a world without “Sex in the City” and “The Sopranos,” I can take comfort in the fact that this rotten shit may be going off the air soon.
Of course, I'm sure it'll be in constant repeat until THE END OF TIME.
I’ve said it once and I’ll say it again: Nobody gives a rat’s ass about Raymond.
You know what would be my version of hell? Trapped in a room with dirty baby puke green shag carpeting, Thomas Kinkade paintings adorning every wall, copies of Us that only have articles about Reese Witherspoon and Christina Aguilera, and that damn show on constant repeat. Oh, and Kelly Ripa would probably be there, too. Tossing her hair and sucking up to some lame soap star.
Sweet baby Jesus- they know not what they do.
Posted
by The Amy @ 2:26 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (4)
Clearly, I learned nothing from Lee’s School of Gymnastics
I fell again today.
Now, I am well known as a classic klutz on a regular basis. As some of you may remember, Amy falling down is not exactly breaking news, so to speak. But lately I have been very proud of myself for NOT falling down so often. I’ve been going on hikes, not just the kind of hikes that go from my car to the mall, but real, actual, in nature hikes- with trees and everything. So I was hoping that my general klutziness might be fading with both age and the realization that just because they sell shoes with 2 ½ inch heels does not mean that I should buy them.
So you can see why this morning, when my torso kept moving but my legs did not follow, landing me sprawled out in the ever-attractive splits position on the sidewalk (the East German judge gave it a 7.8), I was a little sad. And not just because I had just fallen down on about the same spot where I had to side-step human feces last week, but also because I realized that really, I haven’t grown up very much at all.
On second thought, maybe that’s a good thing. The not growing up part, anyway. The poop on the sidewalk part I could do without.
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by The Amy @ 9:22 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (5)
Friday, April 18, 2003
“Well, now that I have a hole in my intestine sharp foods don’t sound like such a good idea.”
Pardon me while I pause my normally scheduled rambles and discuss the fact that my Pimp just had an operation to get rid of his appendix. Stupid appendix.
But never fear - he has fully recovered and is due to be at his old snacking ways in about a week. Also, he got some morphine, so that had to have been a good time.
Love to my Micky. Love.
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by The Amy @ 11:00 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar
Tuesday, April 15, 2003
I know I promised, but The People have to know about this:
Now someone HAS to buy me this shirt.
For real.
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by The Amy @ 11:04 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (1)
All right, just one more and I’m over the whole Roy thing…
Harsh. I’m pretty bitter right now, and this is still pretty harsh.
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by The Amy @ 9:01 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (2)
Monday, April 14, 2003
Stupid North Carolina.
Looks like Roy's out.
Bring on Tom Crean. Or Bill Self, for that matter.
Okay, I admit it. I am a little disappointed.
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by The Amy @ 2:57 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (3)
Just make up your mind already!
I’ve about had enough. “hopes to announce his decision”- whatever! What happened to “I’m going to retire as the coach at the University of Kansas”? As someone on one of the message boards so eloquently stated: “KU hoops existed quite well for almost a century before he got here and was playing in final fours before the seeds of the ‘North Carolina family tree’ were even planted.”
Right on, brotha (or sista).
I love Roy and all, but this is starting to piss me off. It’s really taking away from a fantastic team that had a great year that no one expected. If it’s such a hard decision then go ahead and go already. Tom Crean seems like a nice enough guy.
Go Royals.
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by The Amy @ 12:27 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar
Friday, April 11, 2003
If you loved me...
You'd totally get me a t-shirt.
Or a mug, at least.
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by The Amy @ 1:49 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar
All right, people...
Here it is!
And here's a favorite (although there are so many to choose from): "We blocked them inside the city. Their rear is blocked"
Which, I think, is a totally different problem altogether.
Thanks, Kevie
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by The Amy @ 1:32 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar
Have you seen this yet?
I know the statues of Saddam are toppling all over the place and all, and that this war is “over” (fat chance, Rummy), but here’s hoping that this guy is still out there.
If I can’t have the hippies outside my door doing yoga for peace, then at least give me the Iraqi Information Minister!
Right now I think the website is down, but they say it’ll be back up again soon.
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by The Amy @ 9:32 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (2)
Wednesday, April 09, 2003
Making friends and influencing people
On this auspicious day of KU’s last-ditch effort to please-in-the-name-of-God keep Roy Williams and his North Carolina drawl firmly rooted in Lawrence, Kan., I would like to tell you all a little story about my one and only contact with our soon to be fired (T-10 minutes and counting) Athletic Director, Al Bohl.
(that may be the longest run-on ever. i am very proud.)
My boyfriend and I were at an alumni association pre-game “rally” before the KU-Cal game earlier this year. I use the quotes because this could have been the most un-interesting, un-enthusiastic “rally” I’ve ever been to. We were seriously, SERIOUSLY, the only people under 40 there. And I think the median age was about 67. And it was at 8 in the morning.
Now usually, in this kind of crowd, I doubt that any kind of vaguely important Athletic Director type would give a rat’s ass about a couple of 20-something schlubs, but we were the first to arrive so he had to talk to us. Let me highlight the conversation for you:
The Bohl: So, are you two both KU grads?
The Amy: Well, I am, but he’s not. (motioning to boyfriend, currently engrossed in trying to figure out when the bar will open) But he grew up in Lawrence, so he always roots for the Jayhawks.
The Boyfriend: (Suddenly, blessedly, interested in this conversation) Yeah, except in football. I went to school at OU, so what’s the point of rooting for Kansas in football?
The Bohl: I see. (pretending to see someone over our heads) Oh hey, there’s some old dude I can kiss ass for money. Excuse me.
Okay, so maybe that wasn’t the EXACT conversation verbatim, but one of the reasons that I so totally love my boyfriend is that he told the man, who’s number one job it is to turnaround the KU football program, that his program has and always will, suck.
Was his job, that is. Ha.
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by The Amy @ 1:38 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar
Monday, April 07, 2003
"Right now, I don't give a shit about North Carolina"
Neither do I, Roy.
(I hope my Mom will forgive the cussing. It's a dark day.)
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by The Amy @ 9:37 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (1)
Oh, and one more thing…
ROCK CHALK BOYS!!
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by The Amy @ 10:56 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar
I’ll tell you what’s so funny about peace, love and understanding
So this morning I got up super-early (that’d be 5:15 AM for those of you keeping score at home) because there were rumors that protesters would be a-protestin’ this morning in front of my building. My company suggested that people who absolutely had to be in the office today, which, unfortunately, included me (for once) get here before 7 AM, because that’s when the protests were set to start. Now, personally, I tend to share the opinion of my friend Whitney who wondered, “What kind of hippies, especially the protestin’ kind, get up before 10 AM? Or noon, really?” but I didn’t want to take any chances.
What happened? Not a damn thing. I leisurely strolled into my office just in time to see the sun come up. Good morning.
Apparently I was on the wrong side of Bay, since Oakland had the fun of rubber bullets.
Of course, the article says that the po-po hit more longshoreman than protesters. Nice aim, fellas.
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by The Amy @ 10:36 AM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar
Friday, April 04, 2003
Once Bitten, Twice Shy
One of my esteemed and ever-alert coworkers just brought the following to my attention: At present, Great White has killed more Americans than Saddam.
And that’s about all I have to say on the war right now.
Posted
by The Amy @ 2:53 PM permalink
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Come on...give us some sugar (1)
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